You’re So Quiet Part I

I saw this on Twitter the other day and saved it for a good post.

“You’re so quiet.” Let me give you a few reasons why:

1. I don’t like gossip, which is like 70% of human conversation.
2. Silence is beautiful.
3. Small talk bores me quickly.
4. I’m not just going to talk for the sake of talking.
5. Even when I’m quiet, I still feel like I’m more open and friendly than most.

There’s a lot to unpack there. The first reason is dripping with sarcasm but also has a good deal of truth in it. #2 is a very underrated trait. Have you ever been in a situation where you really just wanted to meditate, or have a dear friend nearby just to be present? You may feel like you’re the only one on Earth dealing with whatever you are dealing with, and simply having someone else in the same room, even if no one is speaking, will calm that fear. In situations like that, there’s nothing more beautiful than silence.

I really want to focus on 4-5, as those are part of how people gain their energy, through being an introvert or an extrovert.

We spent a great deal of time over the weekend in our VA 101 Mastermind group talking about how to focus outward if you are an introvert. There are some people in this group that are extremely strong introverts, meaning they really need solitude to re-charge and the situations where they have to spend energy on external things really drains them, and frightens the mess out of them. The person that started the conversation said she doesn’t sense that people who aren’t introverted really understand how challenging it is. I agree with that, but there are ways these groups can understand each other better.

These are different languages. I don’t think extroverts have ill intentions. If you’re a native of Texas and you walk into a room full of Spanish-speaking people and start talking in English, you’re going to get a lot of blank stares. And it’s not because they hate you or think you’re an idiot. It’s because they don’t understand what you’re saying. Introverts gain their energy when they are alone. They can be reading a book, listening to a podcast, watching a football game, relaxing in the tub, sipping a good wine, or many other quiet, solo activities. An extrovert gains energy when in a group. They could be at a networking event, interactive seminar, part of a large crowd at an athletic contest, at a group meal with friends, family or colleagues, something where there is a group of people and a big activity or multiple activities are taking place.

What drives the interaction? Consider that 4^th statement, “I’m not just going to talk for the sake of talking.” Have you ever been in a meeting, class or seminar with a presenter and the Q&A section won’t end? Almost every Q&A session I’ve ever been in got to the point where there were no more questions left to ask, everything the presenter planned to cover had been explained, and it’s time to adjourn, but the session keeps going because some person or people just keep coming up with questions. It’s as if they think ending the Q&A session is somehow a bad thing. The introverts are thinking, “OK, 47 questions is enough. What’s wrong with ending this 5 minutes early? I’m ready to go.” I try to avoid believing the more nefarious motivations behind keeping the session alive – that the questioners are just so in love with the sound of their own voices that they can’t bear to not let everyone else hear such sweet music, or that they are trying to keep a spotlight on themselves. It may be innocent enough that they just aren’t sure how to wrap things up.

Be understanding. That third statement, “Small talk bores me quickly,” is probably better said like this: “Small talk doesn’t help me get comfortable.” Talking about the weather or whatever “small talk” is easily available doesn’t help the introvert get more comfortable. The introvert is thinking, “This is fake, and everyone knows I’m being fake, and we’re all wasting our time.” Some of those conversation starters discussed in a previous post may help. If small talk or ice breakers or whatever you want to call them are on a more substantial level than inane small talk, the introvert will have an easier time getting involved and engaged.

I was going to do this in one post, but I see I have enough for two. So I’ll wrap this post up here. Of course, I have to say that I’m always on the lookout for business owners to build a partnership. I specialize in content writing, but you can click here to see what services you can hand off, and Contact us to see how we can partner to make great things happen for your business.