Everything we learned in the first 5 weeks was a lie.Well, not everything, but KC is not invincible, either the Bears aren’t as good as we thought or the Dolphins aren’t as bad as they looked the last 3 weeks. Carolina went from special teams aces to special teams idiots in 7 days. New England is, in fact, not dead. Jacksonville does not, in fact, have a good defense. Everything is upside down.
Bipolar Disorder is everywhere. Dallas scores 16 on Houston then 40 on Jacksonville. Washington gets destroyed by New Orleans then allows almost nothing to Carolina. Baltimore lets Andy Dalton shred them then shuts out Marcus Mariota. The Bears handled Russell Wilson but got torched by Brock Osweiler. Take your meds, y’all!
There are comforting constants. The sun will rise in the East every morning. Two plus two will always equal four. The Rams are going to score points. The Raiders are going to look terrible.
1. LA Rams – Will stay here until they lose two games.
2. Kansas City – Fabulous game on Sunday. Still the best in the AFC.
3. New Orleans – Only #1 and 2 above have equal or fewer losses. Holes in defense.
4. New England – All the haters hopes for a crash still being disappointed.
5. Cincinnati – Shudda won last week. Terrible defense at the end.
6. Baltimore – Of course Alex Collins goes off the week I bench him in fantasy.
7. LA Chargers – About 12 good receivers. Sucks for fantasy unless you have Rivers.
8. Miami – Osweiler? Really?
9. Chicago – See #8 above.
10.Washington – Yeah, they beat my Panthers. They still haven’t been to the Super Bowl since the 20th century.
11.Carolina – Special teams let their big day get in their heads, apparently.
12.Green Bay – Still very inconsistent on defense.
13.Minnesota – Just might be rounding into form.
14.Pittsburgh – Managed to get through a game in Cincinnati without a street fight.
15.Philadelphia – A bit off from last year. Division still there for the taking.
16.Seattle – RIP to their owner, Paul Allen.
17.Houston – So different from one week to the next.
18.Dallas – See #17 above.
19.Jacksonville – So much for that super-stud defense.
20.Tennessee – Probably the most boring football team in North America.
21.NY Jets – See #18 above.
22.Cleveland – This is still a young team. You’ll have terrible weeks like that.
23.Detroit – It will be interesting to see what the Defense Genius came up with on the bye week.
24.Tampa Bay – Week 2 seems like years ago.
25.Atlanta – Too many defensive injuries to overcome.
26.Buffalo – Have probably reached their high point if Allen needs Tommy John surgery.
27.Denver – A lot of fight against a much better team.
28.Arizona – The rookie shows some promise.
29.San Francisco – See #27 above.
30.Indianapolis – Neck Beard is all the way back. So is the defense – in the back of the league.
31.NY Giants – OBJ won’t shut up, teammates frustrated with Eli, & media that won’t admit how awful they are.
32.Oakland – May not win another game this year.