With chaos in full control of most of college football, the familiarity of life in the SEC is comforting. Not all of that is good, but at least we know what we’re dealing with. ‘Bama is a mile better than everyone else. Everybody still hates Florida. Auburn isn’t as good as expected. LSU is better than expected. And Kentucky is a football school. 😊 It’s a light week, with ‘Bama, LSU, Auburn and Misipi all on byes. Unfortunately for you readers, that leaves more room for my comedy genius (at least it’s genius in my eyes). Let’s look at the games.
Vanderbilt at Ar-Kansas – Forget waterboarding or the rack. Watching this game is a clearer definition of torture than anything you can think of. Some weeks the Hogs score a bunch, sometimes not (why was last week one of those?). Vandy 19, Pigs 16
Florida vs Georgia (Jacksonville) – Who could have predicted this: If UGA wins, their game next week at Kentucky determines the SEC East winner. If Florida wins and UGA beats Kentucky next week, the mayhem and chaos the rest of college football is mired in arrives in the SEC East. The worst part of this setup for Florida is that UGA has had 2 weeks to stew, plot and plan since they got whupped at LSU. Big Ol’ Hairy Dawgs 33, Lizards 28
Kentucky at Missouri – The New Football School runs the ball and plays defense to hide their less-than-stellar QB play. They’ll need every ounce of that defense, and a few 14-play drives, if they want to keep this pinball machine off the field. They should have some success. Just barely enough, but that’s all you need. Briers 23, Mizzou 20
Texas A&M at Misipi State – The only thing consistent about the home team is those dadgum cowbells. They looked so good against Auburn and so inept against Kentucky. The road team is starting to resemble the teams Jimmy-Joe-Bill-Bob had at Florida State. The cowbells ring mostly in anger this week. Aggies 27, Jerry Clower U 20
Tennessee at South Carolina – Was the win at Auburn something real? I think the other team from that state showed otherwise. But I don’t think SC can be much better than they are with their current coach. Vols 26, Fightin’ Chickens 21
BYE WEEK at ‘Bama – Fearless prediction: ‘Bama student brought up on charges for “defacing” Cam Newton statue at Auburn by putting ‘Bama logo stuff all over it. At the hearing, Nick Saban shows up to testify on the student’s behalf, and cusses out the judge and the prosecutor. The judge dismisses the charges and signs his next paycheck over to Saban. The Evil Empire 0, BYE WEEK 0
BYE WEEK at Auburn – One day after the trial, a placard with “War Eagle” written on it is placed at the base of the Bear Bryant statue at ‘Bama. A student is caught on camera placing the placard there. He is arrested and brought before a judge (different judge from the previous note). Nick Saban shows up at the hearing and cusses out the defendant and the defense attorney. The student is convicted of criminal mischief and sentenced to a year in jail. The judge signs his next paycheck over to Saban. Auburn 0, BYE WEEK 0
Southern Misipi at Charlotte – My school has one of the best run defenses in all of FBS, let alone Conference USA. On the other hand, USM rushes very well. This should be a close game. This is still a young program and a young team, and Sheriffs is not as good a QB as Reynolds. I desperately want to pick with my heart, but my head says we come up just short. Lord, let me be wrong! Southern Miss 26, 49ers20
Last week’s record: 6-1
Season: 66-13