Somebody must be hearing my gripes about the fast pace of time. The college football team is 13 weeks long, with every team playing 12 games and taking a bye week. I think that’s ridiculous. These are 18-21-year-old kids. They don’t need a bye week, not even in this rough league. Well, a 14th week was added this year, as there were several games last week. There were no super-power teams involved, but some recognizable names. The only game worth watching wasn’t televised – a wild 38-35 game between Hawaii and UMass, won by the Rainbows on the last play. UMass is in their first season at FBS, and CBS Sports ranked them dead last among the 130 teams at the top level, just behind UAB, my brother’s school, which is re-launching its football program after it was shut down in 2014. The state university governing body, stacked to the ceiling with Crimson Elephant grads, decided UAB football was too expensive. Another reason to hate that school and to wish that the 2011 tornado had struck Bryant-Denny Stadium. On to the picks.

BONUS PICK: Charlotte at Eastern Michigan (Fri.) – Last year they killed us at our place. Turns out they were better than forecasted. I don’t know how good they are this year. This is our first year without that first-ever recruiting class, and we lost a lot. We did find a QB last year, and our coaches figured out there were plenty of studs in Florida that even we could get. That Florida speed is going to help us, but being on the road will hurt. EMU 30, 49ers 28

‘Bama vs. Florida St (Atlanta) – The Tide always gets one of these opening games against a big name. I get my hopes up that the evil school with their spawn-of-Satan coach will get humiliated. Then the game starts, and the big-name opponent is having a rotten year or rotten start. This one is against an equal. My heart always wants them to lose games like this. My heart is almost always wrong. The Evil Empire 34, FSU 30

Florida A&M at Ar-Kansas (Little Rock) – OK, so this game was last night. I get a pass. No one, not even FAMU grads, were picking them to win this one. Pigs 41, FA&M 0 √ 49-7

Florida vs. Michigan (Arlington) – Interesting fact: Did you know that the wolverine is actually a member of the weasel family? Learned that watching Nat Geo Wild on Memorial Day. If you have seen the postings on social media about the uniforms these teams are wearing, you know that you are in big trouble if you have thrown away your eclipse glasses, even if you’re watching indoors on your TV. Talk about bright! As for the game, it might be a big-name matchup of 2 highly ranked teams, but no one in the Big 14 outside the state of Ohio has anything that resembles SEC speed. Lizards 28, Jumbo Weasels 13

Appalachian St at Georgia – ASU is still riding the wave from the Michigan upset of 10 years ago – 3 straight FCS titles, a move to FBS, and a couple of bowl wins. The jury is out on Kirby Smart as a head coach, but there’s no doubt he can recruit athletes. Big Ol’ Hairy Dawgs 31, The Other Mountaineers 10

Kentucky at Southern Miss – There is no power conference team more inconsistent than UK. This is the perfect spot for them to overlook an opponent. At least for 3 quarters. Briars 38, USM 35

LSU vs. BYU (New Orleans) – I was never much of a believer in Ed O. as a head coach, nor was I completely sold on his recruiting. On point 2, he’s off to a fast start on the bayou, keeping the big names home and getting some studs from other states. Relocated from Houston due to the hurricane, this is a true home game for the Bayou Bengals. LSU 28, BYU 10

South Alabama at Misipi – How did Hugh Freeze turn a middling team into a conference power overnight? Apparently through fake ACT scores, bag men bringing cash to recruits, and other sordid things. The Frozen Coach is gone. Now they have another “I played here and I will die for the alma mater” rah-rah dude as the interim coach. As for the opponent, they did it in Starkville last year. Can they do it in Oxford?….. Nah. Misipi 24, USA 13

Charleston Southern at Misipi St – They tried a Sun Belt also-ran and got bit, so they’re going with a Big South team this time. Better, but not by much. Jerry Clower U 23, CSU 7

Missouri St at Missouri – The Who Cares Game of the Week. These Tigers are terrible. Mizzou 17, Mizzou St 3

South Carolina vs. North Carolina St (Charlotte) – Prior to Spurrier, SC had 100 years of complete irrelevancy over their heads. For a minute there, it looked like they’d go right back in the sink hole after Spurrier. Muschamp has them at least competitive. It didn’t look like Dave Doren was going to do anything in Raleigh until his squad beat Notre Dame during hurricane Matthew and UNC at the end of the year. So both squads are full of hope, in addition to being full of holes. Fightin’ Chickens 23, Wolf Puppies 16

Texas A&M at UCLA – Remember when UCLA was supposed to be the Pac 12 rep in last year’s College Football Playoff? Me neither, but they played a pretty compelling game in College Station along the way. This one probably will be as well. I think home field advantage is the deciding factor. Bruins 34, A&M 31

Vanderbilt at Middle Tennessee – These two played in Nashville last year, and MTSU hung tough for a while. I still think Mason is a lousy coach, and games like this will show everyone else. Upset special. MTSU 24, Vandy 20

Tennessee vs. Georgia Tech (Atlanta, Mon.) – One of those early-season matchups between 2 teams where no one knows which team, on either sideline, is going to show up. This one is a total crapshoot, but since I so strongly believe in the inferiority of ACC football, I’ll go with the SEC team. Vols 34, Tech 28

Georgia Southern at Auburn – Quite a change of pace – Auburn opens the year with 2 legit bowl teams out-of-conference. Us Auburn fans are salivating at what Stidham can do at QB. This will be closer than tradition says it’s supposed to be. WAR EAGLE 27, GSU 17