As usual, the NFL is bonkers. All I can say is, as a Panthers fan, I’m happy we beat the Saints and I’m ecstatic that the Falcons are awful. Let’s get on with the week 3 picks.

Carolina at Houston – HOU is going with a rookie QB with their starter out with a hamstring injury. He did OK in relief against the Browns last week, but this is a defense on a major roll. The only question is, will the Carolina defense turn him into a plate of pulled pork BBQ or beef brisket BBQ? PANTHERS 24, Texans 9

Arizona at Jacksonville – Urban Meyer continues his perfection of his Steve Spurrier impersonation. Cards 34, Jags 13

Atlanta at NY Giants – NY came oh-so-close last week. As much as I’d love to see it happen, I just can’t see one of my archenemies fall to 0-3. Falcons 19, Little People 16

Baltimore at Detroit – In spite of all the injuries, Edgar Allan Poe’s favorite team is hanging in their with their running QB. The Motor City club has a looooooooooooooooong way to go. Ravens 33, lion cubs 17

Chicago at Cleveland – This could be a juicy matchup. Will the defenses rise up and make this a slugfest, or will the 2 young QBs jump up and deliver? I’m inclined to go with the defenses. Of course, since I’m starting Sam Darnold on my fantasy team instead of Baker Mayfield, Baker will probably throw for 500 yards and total 5 touchdowns. Prayers up… Browns 20, Bears 17

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh – If it weren’t for some great special teams play, the Steelers would be barreling to an 0-3 record. Bangles 23, Steelers 17

Indianapolis at Tennessee – What an impressive display of stones by the Titans up in the rain country. They should settle into the driver’s seat in the AFC South going forward. Titans 27, Colts 16

LA Chargers at Kansas City – Should be a good number of fireworks. This will feel more like a home game to LA than their actual home game last week, when 95% of the fans were Cowboys fans. Chiefs 41, Clippers 27

New Orleans at New England – It’s hard to tell what these teams are. For both of them, is the blowout win who they are, or the terrible loss who they are? I’m going to go worst-case scenario here and assume my division rival is the one where the big win is who they are. Aints 26, Patriots 24

Washington at Buffalo – The same conundrum applies to these teams, but the answer is easier to reach. The Bills just had a bad day on special teams in week 1. Buffalo, NC 27, The Team Formerly Known As Redskins 17

Miami at Las Vegas – Miami now has QB questions, and Vegas suddenly has a QB that is chasing a Pro Bowl bid. Raiders 33, Fish 1

NY Jets at Denver – My 49er fan nephew tried to pump up the Jets by saying their new coach is a 49er, so they will be good. Well, he’s got to get a legitimate NFL offensive line first. Donkeys 26, j-e-t-s jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets 10

Seattle at Minnesota – Both teams coming off of soul-crushing losses. The home fans are going to go from chanting “SKOL” to “fire the coach” if they go 0-3. Warm up the vocal cords. Seahawks 28, Norwegians 14

Tampa Bay at LA Rams – Should be the game of the day. I’m always rooting against Bruce Arians, who thinks so highly of himself that he believed he should have tutored Vince Lombardi. I think 2 trends will continue – Cooper Kupp will singlehandedly keep my fantasy football team alive, and Arians will continue to anger me by putting up wins. Bucs 23, Rams 21

Green Bay at San Francisco – The Pack still has issues, even after whipping what amounts to a college team last week. This one will probably get ugly in the second half. 49ers 38, Packers 17

Philadelphia at Dallas – I actually cannot figure out if I should start Elliott or Pollard as my fantasy RB. What I do know is that the revamped Philly club isn’t ready to take control of anything just yet. Cowboys 27, Eagles 20

Last week’s record: 10-6

Season: 18-14