There’s an article in the Charlotte paper about Cam Newton possibly hurting his recovery by being on a vegan diet. As you would expect, vegans are all up in the comments castigating the article writer and meat-eating commenters as evil. What I have noticed about vegans is they are generally extremely thin-skinned (easily offended), do not see humor very well, and are generally opposed to most things everyone else would consider fun – kinda like extra-super-religious people. So sarcastic jerks like me have a lot of fun with them. Expect sarcasm to take center stage in these picks.

Philadelphia at Green Bay (Thur) – Are the Packers and Erin Rodgers overrated? They usually are. How they handle themselves in Big D next week will tell us a lot. Are the Eagles a disappointment? To their fans, absolutely. To the rest of us, possibly. Lots of questions that probably don’t get answered in this game. Packers 23, Eagles 17 

Tennessee at Atlanta – Two more teams we really aren’t sure of. Atlanta is feeling the injury bug again this year. I don’t want to watch this game at all, because there are too many Evil Alabama Crimson Elephants on both teams. The team with more of them will win, just to piss me off. Falcons 27, Titans 21 

Cleveland at Baltimore – I really want to believe in the Browns, for several reasons. And they showed up last week against a great team. I’m just not sure their injured defense can hold Baltimore down. My fantasy opponent is starting Lamar Jackson, so he will do well, just to piss me off. Ravens 30, Browns 20 

New England at Buffalo – Both of my fantasy QBs are going against stingy defenses. I’m starting Brady. He’ll have a terrible day, just to piss me off. All the Pats scores will come on runs. Patriots 21, Buffalo, NC 13 

Kansas City at Detroit – Remember when all the pundits said Detroit would waltz into October with zero losses? Neither do I. And they won’t. Chiefs 34, lion cubs 14 

Oakland at Indianapolis – I cut the Indy kicker after he missed 5 kicks the first 2 games. Of course he went off last week, while the guy I picked scored 4 points. The scene gets repeated this week, just to piss me off. Dolts 23 (with three 50-yd FGs), Fakers 10 

LA Chargers at Miami – LA had a great week 1 and nothing good since. Lucky for them, they get to go to the place every NFL team can use to get healed. Clippers 37, Fish Carcasses 7 

Washington at NY Giants – A massive comeback by a Duke QB. Remember the last time that happened? Neither do I. They won’t need it this week. Little People 24, Dead-skins 21 

Seattle at Arizona – Seattle’s kicker is my fantasy replacement. He’ll kick no FGs this week, just extra points. Just to piss me off. Seahawks 35, Cards 21 

Tampa Bay at LA Rams – Cool, a team I hate will get buried by a far superior opponent. Rams 33, Yuck-aneers 17 

Minnesota at Chicago – Kirk Cousins is my backup fantasy QB. Since I’m starting Brady, Cousins will go off, just to piss me off. Norwegians 31, Bears 20 

Jacksonville at Denver – The Who Cares Game of the Week. Donkeys 24, Jags 16 

Dallas at New Orleans – Looks like NO is going to be fine, even without Brees. It’s in the Panthers best interest for Dallas to win. Root for Dallas? Ugh. My stomach is flipping. But Bridgewater will probably find a way, just to piss me off. Aints 31, Cowboys 28 

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (Mon) – Remember when all the pundits said the Steelers would stagger into October with zero wins? Neither do I. And they won’t, even without Ben. Steelers 24, Bangles 17 

Carolina at Houston – OK, so it turns out “things that piss me off” is the theme of the picks. Anything from this game? Yes. I can’t bring myself to start Carlos Hyde, so he will go off and lead his team to victory, just to piss me off. Texans 23, panthers 17 

BYE:  NY Jets, San Francisco

Last week’s record: 10-6

Season: 31-17