We have an early nominee for Weird Thing of the Year. NY Jets franchise QB Sam Darnold will miss this week’s game. Sprained shoulder? Sore knee? Foot that got stepped on in last week’s game? None of the above. Darnold has mono. Didn’t even know that was still a thing – at least not for people older than 16. But it is, and Trevor Siemian will start at least this and next week.

Also, since there was a tie last week, I have to post my annual rant against silly overtime rules that never prevent these ties. For a while, there was only 1 tie every 2-3 years. And people had such a fit about it that the NFL started monkeying around with overtime rules in an attempt to eliminate ties. The last couple of years have produced 2 per year. And we already have one this year. Drop it, people. First one to score in OT wins. “But if the coin-toss winner scores right away, that’s not fair to the other team.” Too bad. They had 60 minutes to beat the other team. Grow up and act like you’ve got a pair. On to the games.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (Thur) – My Panthers were wildly inconsistent in week 1. Tampa was largely terrible, as I expected. Had a funny Twitter exchange with a fellow Panthers fan, who said “We’d better destroy Tampa or back up the bus.” I responded, “We will. Tampa is terrible.” He replied, “We’re warm coleslaw.” Funny, and hard to argue. This could be a great insomnia cure for people with no rooting interest. PANTHERS 19, Yuck-aneers 16

Arizona at Baltimore – Cards would gladly take a tie after this whipping. Ravens 34, Cards 10

Seattle at Pittsburgh – No one saw that whipping coming on Sunday night, nor the dogfight Seattle was in. So who misses expectations by the least amount this week? Seahawks 23, Steelers 21

Indianapolis at Tennessee – Speaking of putting on a whipping no one saw coming, there were the Titans. Indy has a few good players, but not enough of them. Titans 23, Dolts 17

Dallas at Washington – Do you remember when this was the best rivalry in the NFL? Neither do we, but we hear it was at one time. After blowing a big lead in week 1, the ‘Skins will never have one in week 2. Cowboys 34, Dead-skins 10

New England at Miami –Even Pats fans will get hopelessly bored. I will hope Brady gets me 40 fantasy points before he exits the game at the start of the 4th quarter. Patriots 49, Fish 7

Buffalo at NY Giants – This would be the who cares game if it weren’t for that compelling RB in New York – the one and only good reason to watch the team. Buffalo, NC 20, Little People 14

Jacksonville at Houston – Jags are facing injuries again, and Houston nearly pulled of the miracle in Voodoo City last week. Should be easy pickings. Houston 30, Jags 17

LA Chargers at Detroit – Another team that took too long to put away a weaker opponent against a team that was predicted to be terrible but was slightly less terrible in week 1. Road team has more playmakers that should make the difference. Clippers 27, lion cubs 19

Minnesota at Green Bay – This was one of last year’s ties. The Pack remains ridiculously over-hyped and were fortunate to face a floundering offense in week 1. Not so lucky in week 2. Norwegians 21, Packers 17

San Francisco at Cincinnati – Cincy looked surprisingly good at Seattle. The 49ers took way too long to put away a terrible Tampa team. Should be close, if not scintillating. 49ers 24, Bangles 20

Kansas City at Oakland – The surprise week 1 winners realize it was as much the ineptitude of the opponent as anything. Chiefs 33, Fakers 16

New Orleans at LA Rams – This one might be a pinball game. The Rams can hang with these guys. My heart thinks they can beat them. My head says it’s another narrow escape for the guys from Voodoo City. Aints 34, Rams 31

Chicago at Denver – The Who Cares Game of the Week. Bears 19, Donkeys 10

Philadelphia at Atlanta – Hmmm… I thought the Falcons were supposed to score 47,000 points this year? Maybe they’re human after all. Eagles 28, Falcons 24

Cleveland at NY Jets (Mon) – Not only is Darnold sick, LeVeon Bell may not play. I think the Browns defense bounces back. Browns 20, J-E-T-S jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets 13

Last week’s record: 11-5

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