This week’s “close, but no cigar” award winner is me. When Jake Elliott kicked that game-winning FG against Oakland on Monday, I lost my fantasy football matchup – 130.3-129.7. Yes, you read that right. I lost by 0.6 point. If any of my backs or receivers had caught 1 more pass for no gain, I’m in the championship. Oh, well, that’s gambling for you. I left our draft thinking I had the worst team ever assembled, so it was a good year. So what about the last round of real games?

Green Bay at Detroit –  Erin has been shut down, and the team is down to using any large man walking the streets of Milwaukee for offensive lineman. They’re trying hard, but they just don’t have the bodies. And unfortunately for Lions fans, they will probably be stuck with their mediocre coach another year after they finish with a winning record. Lion cubs 21, Packers 14

Houston at Indianapolis – Both teams think next year will be better with their QB back. One can only hope. First team to double-digits wins. Dolts 14, Texans 9

Chicago at Minnesota – Will Fox and his 1965 coaching style finally, mercifully, be sent out to pasture permanently? Norwegians 34, bear cubs 17

NY Jets at New England – Todd Bowles has been given a new contract, which he richly deserves after coaching this bunch to 5 wins. Patriots 38, Jets 19

Washington at NY Giants – NY has hired Gettleman as GM. He never got to pick his coach in Carolina, so this hire will be interesting. Word is they will keep Eli and get an O-lineman in the draft. Good luck with that. Meanwhile, this has to be Cousins’ last game in maroon, doesn’t it? Dead-skins 23, little people 16

Dallas at Philadelphia – Philly has the #1 seed locked up, Dallas is out. Dallas also needs a new coach, but holding your breath could be hazardous to your health. Eagles 24, Cowboys 21

Cleveland at Pittsburgh – The Steelers have to go all out, because the Patriots are playing at the same time. This means the #1 seed is technically still up for grabs. This also means we get the second 0-16 season ever. Steelers 30, brownie troop 10

Cincinnati at Baltimore – Win and you’re in scenario for Baltimore. The Marvin Lewis era in Cinci-nasty ends with a thud. Little Black Birds 28, Bangles 10

Kansas City at Denver – KC has its groove back. No contest here. Chefs 27, Donkeys 14

Oakland at LA Chargers – LA is going to the playoffs if the Titans lose to the Jags. Nice comeback from an 0-4 start. Clippers 27, Raiders 17

San Francisco at LA Rams – If LA loses and the NFC South winner is 12-4, LA drops to the 4th seed and a harder matchup in round one. Jimmy G and the 49ers are setting a new standard for being on a roll. Yet another upset special. 49ers 31, Rams 30

Buffalo at Miami – The longest playoff drought will continue. Sean McDermott is going to look back at starting what should be an 8th-string QB against LA and realize that’s where the season really ended. At least they have a winning record to sell to the fans. Bills 23, Fins 20

Arizona at Seattle – The Seahawks sneak into the playoffs if I’m calling these games correctly. Jesus Juice Drinkers 31, Bruce’s Ego 17

New Orleans at Tampa Bay – A Bucs win and a Panther win gives my boys the division, and maybe even the 3 or 2 seed. However, I don’t think either of these evil franchises is going to cooperate. Aints 40, Yuck-aneers 13

Jacksonville at Tennessee – After a very rare thumping, the Jax defense will be back in force and sending Tennessee players home, and possibly the coach to the golf course for a year. Jags 24, Titans 10

Carolina at Atlanta – If you’ve read the other picks, you already know where I’m going with this one. With the division still in play, Carolina matches Atlanta’s win & you’re in desire to go all out. July Jones will get his, but I just don’t believe in the defense. Atlanta gets bounced in a shoot-out. Panthers 33, Falcons 30

Last week’s record: 12-4
Season: 138-87