What? It’s Thursday and I need to make NFL picks? Thanks for the reminder. I was too busy complaining about my Cleveland Indians making themselves worse with their winter meetings trade. Of course, re-focusing on the NFL just reminds me that my favorite team is on a losing streak that eventually will match one they went on in 2003 and is eerily similar to a 15-game losing streak in 2001. This is #WhyIDrinkMore. Oh, well, on to this week’s games.
LA Chargers at Kansas City – Lots of talking heads are picking an upset, because the Chargers are on a roll and the Chiefs just saw their star running back become Ray Rice Jr. It’s going to be a very good game, but I’m not on the upset bandwagon. Chiefs 27, Clippers 24
Houston at NY Jets – Houston had its huge winning streak stopped last week. They will start another one this week. NY could do me a favor by showing up on defense and shutting down Watson, so I have a shot to win my fantasy playoff game. Texans 27, J-E-T-S jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets 13
Cleveland at Denver – Here we are in December and the team that went 0-16 last year has a legitimate chance to finish with a winning record. Not sure it happens with a trip to Baltimore in the season finale, but with more consistent play on both sides of the ball, the hope should last beyond this week. Browns 23, Donkeys 17
Washington at Jacksonville – The Who Cares Game of the Week. Jags 13, Dead-skins 10
Miami at Minnesota – Miami is back from the dead, the Vikes just canned their up-and-coming OC. So Miami will roll, right? Since that’s what really should happen, I suspect the opposite happens. Blame the horn. Norwegians 26, Fish 21
Tennessee at NY Giants – Everybody’s hyperventilating about the NY guys again. Problem is, they have an ancient QB and an inconsistent line. Defensive specialists love matchups like this. Titans 19, Little People 16
Arizona at Atlanta – The home team gets to get a little respectability back into its record with games against the punch-less Cards, cratering Panthers and pitiful Bucs. It will be stomach-churning for a Panther fan to watch. Falcons 28, Cards 13
Dallas at Indianapolis – Dallas should wrap up the division title with a win and Philly dealing with the Rams. Captain Andrew Luck will have to re-group against the Little People next week. Cowboys 31, Colts 23
Oakland at Cincinnati – The game will be f’ugly. The commentators will resort to ongoing speculation on where the Silver & Black will be playing next year. Fakers 16, Bangles 13
Detroit at Buffalo – Two of the hardest teams to predict. I think I’ll just do the lazy thing and go with the home team. Buffalo, NC 20, lion cubs 17
Tampa Bay at Baltimore – This will be a typical Bucs game – a game that they should be blown out of, but they will make it closer than it deserves to be. Ravens 27, Yuck-aneers 24
Green Bay at Chicago – I imagine the Bears have had this one circled since they gagged away the first matchup in week 1. Both teams are going in completely different directions now. If Randall Cobb is going to be out injured again, could ya just let a brother know on Friday so he can adjust his fantasy football lineup? Bears 33, Packers 10
Seattle at San Francisco – A true WCGotW candidate. Seahawks 30, 49ers 17
New England at Pittsburgh – This could be a whole lot of fun. Hopefully BB will fir off another classic, in the mold of “they made one more play than we did” or ‘I’m not on Snap Face or any of those.” His team, which always seems to rise to the occasion when the rest of us are ready to bury them, probably pull off their traditional magic act. Patriots 28, Steelers 27
Philadelphia at LA Rams – Yeah, I know, Philly lost their QB last year and won the Super Bowl anyway. But this team, especially on offense, isn’t nearly as powerful. Rams 27, Eagles 17
New Orleans at Carolina – I saw a friend and former colleague earlier today who is a Saints fan. She was only able to talk a minimal amount of trash because I long ago conceded we had no chance to beat them. We both agreed she will be able to leave the game early because Brees, her favorite player, will have been benched by the end of the third quarter. The Panthers descent into hellfire and brimstone continues. Aints 51, panthers 17
Last week’s record: 8-8
Season: 125-83
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