As we move to the stretch, we have a nice nugget of non-news – the Browns are firing people again. You really have to fee bad for fans of this team. Even the Clippers didn’t suck this bad for this long. It’s gone on so long that self-proclaimed comedic geniuses lie me have completely run out of “homeless guy as Browns GM” jokes. At least my brother has the Astros to fall back on.
New Orleans at Atlanta (Thur) – The Saints can be had. The ‘Skins should have had them, the Rams got them, and anybody but my sloppy Panthers would have had them last week. It’s win or shut it down time for the Birds, and they will rise up. Filthy Birds 34, Aints 31
Dallas at NY Giants – McAdoo mercifully fired, and Eli is back at QB. Cowboys are way more talented, but that hasn’t always meant something. I think it will this week, just the sheer magnitude of it. Cowboys 27, little people 13
Green Bay at Cleveland – I wonder if Kizer still thinks he’s part Cam and part TB 12. Packers 23, brownie troop 7
Detroit at Tampa Bay – I guess this is the “What Might Have Been” Bowl. Both should have better records than they have. Lions 24, Yuck-aneers 17
Oakland at Kansas City – So what happens if the Clippers lose and these two sad sacks tie? Mayhem is the only logical outcome in the AFCW. There is the home field thingy though. Chefs 26, Raiders 23
Chicago at Cincinnati – Two teams with also-ran coaches and a decent chance a player might get arrested for the home team. Bear cubs 19, Bangles 16
Indianapolis at Buffalo – Nice get-well present after a Patriots beating. Bills 28, Dolts 14
San Francisco at Houston – Well, the 49ers appear to have settled on their QB. So have the Texans, but he’s out with an ACL tear. 49ers 17, Texans 14
Washington at LA Chargers – Hard to believe there was once a time when LA was 0-4 and 4 games out of first. They roll in the soccer stadium this week because the opponent has had too many injuries. Clippers 34, Dead-skins 16
Tennessee at Arizona – The Who Cares game of the week. Titans 38, Bruce’s Ego 17
NY Jets at Denver – Not in the headlines, but should be: Demaryus Thomas channeled his inner Colin Kaepernick and went vegan, and is now about the 178thbest wide receiver in the NFL. He’s weak, unreliable, and clueless. He’s killing those of us with him in our fantasy lineups. Jets 24, Donkeys 13
Philadelphia at LA Rams – This just in – the draft is a crapshoot. No one is admitting it now, but leading up to the 2016 draft, lots of “experts” were saying the Rams & Eagles were just being desperate, that neither of these guys was a franchise QB, that both of them would be back at the top of the draft in 3 years looking for another franchise QB. Well, looks like these teams knew what they were doing all along. Eagles 28, Rams 27
Seattle at Jacksonville – Even teams. I will take the home squad. Jags 21, Seahawks 20
Baltimore at Pittsburgh – A little shine has come off this rivalry since Hines Ward and his illegal blocks retired. Still should be a good one. Steelers 24, Little Black Birds 21
New England at Miami – Remember when the Pats were 2-2 and not by themselves in first? Neither do I, but that was the case after the Panthers left town. They haven’t lost since. Won’t this week either. Patriots 38, Fins 13
Minnesota at Carolina – My boys have gotten sloppy. They have too much inconsistency to deal with a defense like this. Gonna be a long day on Mint St. Norwegians 27, Panthers 10
Last week’s record: 13-3
Season: 115-78
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