I don’t just run my mouth about college football. I run it about pro football too. I am the biggest, loudest, most unapologetic Carolina Panther shill you will ever encounter. But I can see reality when it’s not good. I also play fantasy football, which you will see as I pick games. Games start today, so let’s get to it.
Atlanta at Philadelphia – The champs at home with the crowd all liquored up and yelling and whatnot. Falcons have a great offense. Philly has a great defense? Which one flinches first? The Philly QB play will be key. I think it’s just enough. Eagles 28, Falcons 27
Buffalo at Baltimore – Year 2 of the Buffalo, North Carolina regime. Still a little bit needed for a trademark McDermott defense. I have the Ravens RB on my fantasy team so I’m counting on that to be the difference. Ravens 23, Buffalo, NC Bills 17
Cincinnati at Indianapolis – If you need a laugh, follow Captain Andrew Luck on Twitter. It’s not the real guy, just someone who writes like he’s a Civil War soldier writing home to his mother. Absolutely hilarious. A lot more hilarious than this game between two terrible teams will be. Dolts 21, Bangles 20
Houston at New England – NE has become hated not because they win the Lombardi every other year, but because their fans are so bloody obnoxious, like Cowboys fans. Lots of people rooting for Houston and their stud QB making a comeback from an ACL. Should be entertaining, but not how some folks will like. Patriots 31, Texans 28
Jacksonville at NY Giants – Everyone thinks Barkley will run away with Rookie of the Year. I think they forgot how rotten the rest of the team was last year, and how very little has been done to improve it. Plus, this defense is a little bit on the good side. Jags 20, Little People 7
Pittsburgh at Cleveland –Larry Ogunjoboi, DT from my Charlotte 49ers, has earned a starting spot. These teams play week 1 every year, which is a mean thing to do to a team on a 17-game losing streak. Make it 18. Steelers 33, Browns 17
San Francisco at Minnesota – The next Anointed King of the World gets to start his 6thgame on the road against a monster defense. Yeah, he’s gonna be good, but not at expense of the purple ones and that truly obnoxious stadium horn. Vikings 24, 49ers 17
Tampa Bay at New Orleans – Two NFC South teams. Am I wrong for rooting for a 0-0 tie? New Orleans is easier to hate because they are good. OK, I’ll hate them then. Aints 41, Yukaneers 10
Tennessee at Miami – Tennessee will be there to steal the division if Watson isn’t fully healthy for Houston. Miami is going to have to start all over again next offseason. Titans 28, Fish 13
Kansas City at LA Chargers – KC is going with the kid at QB. I call the Chargers the Clippers because of the LAC abbreviation and because they have no fans and play on a soccer field. Fortunately for them, they have a prolific offense. Clippers 38, Chefs 28
Seattle at Denver – Russell Wilson is my #1 fantasy QB – other than this week. Not with his ailing WRs and this Denver front 7. Donkeys 19, Seahawks 13
Washington at Arizona – Two teams that are tough to figure out. I’m going with the more seasoned QB. Dead-skins 23, Cardinals 20
Chicago at Green Bay – Two more teams that seem to play in week 1 every year. Bears now have Khalil Mack, which makes them a bit better. Green Bay has a healthy Aaron Rodgers, which makes them a lot better. Packers 30, Bears 16
NY Jets at Detroit – Matthew Stafford is my #2 Fantasy QB – other than this week. Not with Russel going against the Denver D while Stafford goes against the Jets D, which has much further to go than their offense. Lions 33, J-E-T-S jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets jets 21
LA Rams at Oakland – Jon Gruden is going to say at some point this year, “Oh, yeah, now I remember why I kept saying no to people trying to pry me out of the broadcast booth.” Rams 40, Raiders 17
Dallas at Carolina – Trying to stay objective. I have a bet with my brother-in-law, an obnoxious Cowboys fan, on this one. I’m a Panther shill. Both teams have a super-stud RB. Both have O-line injuries. Both have suspect secondaries. Cam has Funchess, DJ Moore, Torrey Smith and Greg Olsen. Dak Prescott has Alan Hurns and a bunch of nobodies. There’s the difference. PANTHERS 37, Cowgirls 28
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