To the surprise of absolutely no one, the Crimson Elephants are whining again. Next week, they are kicking off at noon for the third time in 4 weeks, and they don’t like it. This is undoubtedly coming from head coach Nick Saban, or as I call him, Coach Clinched Butt Cheeks. He has got to be the most miserable human being to ever walk the earth. He makes Bill Belichick look jovial in comparison. The problem is that no one wants to devote the prime time hours to watch a powerhouse beat a high school junior varsity team 99-0 with the team water boy (minus Adam Sandler super-powers) playing the entire 4th quarter. Step up the competition and you’ll get better start times.

‘Bama at South Carolina – While the Whiners would not win playing 11-on-22 like they could have the first 2 weeks, there’s enough unsettled matter in this opponent that there is little risk of an upset. Us haters will have to wait until week 7 for any shot at one of those. The Evil Empire 42, Fightin’ Chickens 17 

Arkansas State at Georgia – UGA gets another warmup game before the Catholics roll into Athens next week. Big Ol’ Hairy Dawgs 44, Ar-Kansas State 14 

Colorado State at Ar-Kansas – The former Clempson offensive wizard is not doing too well, and his old squad is doing just fine without him. I have no feel for Colorado State, but urgency has to show up at some point. Pigs 23, CSU 21 

Florida at Kentucky – Dan Mullen is doing pretty well with a roster that is half his. UK is fading after a nice little run the last few years. Lizards 27, Briars 10 

Kansas State at Misipi State – KSU had Bill Snyder as coach for about 99 years, then he retired, then he came back 3 years later. Now he’s retired again. He’ll probably be back in 2022. Jerry Clower U 31, KSU 20 

Lamar at Texas A&M – Paycheck game for a Texas FCS school. A&M 45, Lamar 3 

Northwestern State at LSU – Paycheck game for a Louisiana FCS school. LSU 47, Northwestern State 3 

Southeastern Louisiana at Misipi – Paycheck game for another Louisiana FCS school. Misipi 33, SE LA 10 

Southeast Missouri State at Missouri – Paycheck game for a Missouri FCS school. Mizzou 37, SEMSU 9 

UT-Chattanooga at Tennessee – Could this be another… No. Paycheck game for a Tennessee FCS school. Rocky Bottom 33, UTC 10 

Kent State at Auburn – The coach referred to Kent State as “solid’ in his first presser this week, despite them being ranked 114th in the CBS Sports 130. You can’t diss your opponent, of course, especially with a monster trip to Texas A&M next week and with the opportunity to mock your rival for griping about noon kickoff times. That’s fun and all, but if the offense and the freshman QB can’t have other-worldly outings against such an inferior opponent, Auburn fanatics will begin doomsday prepping on Sunday morning. WAR EAGLE 38, Kent State 7 

UMass at Charlotte – Let’s add perspective. My 49ers are playing in their 73rd game this week. Ever. Of course, we’ve spent a large portion of the previous 72 games getting torched. With that in mind check out that spread for this week: 49ers MINUS 19! What the crap? I guess hanging tough for 55 minutes with App State does mean something. 49ers 37, UMass 13 

Last week’s record: 12-2

Season: 23-5

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